JESUS TAKE THE FUCKING WHEEL! 5-20-2013

Today I flipped out on my actors after the run... I mean I flipped a shit on them. During the run I was so mad I took of my shoes and was ready to start throwing them at their heads. I can't even think straight right now. I'll write more tomorrow. Hopefully then I'll have something other to say then a bunch of curse words. GOOD FUCKING NIGHT.

Maybe The Best Acting Training Is Directing.... 5-18-2013

THE LESSONS I LEARNED AS AN ACTOR WHILE DIRECTING

IF YOU FUCK UP KEEP GOING!! -- Whenever Nicola messes up she stops and it lights a fire under my ass every single time. If she kept going who knows what could have come out of her for the rest of her monologue. Fucking up makes you stop thinking about what’s coming next and then your reacting to what’s really in the moment. Instead of giving me the fake hyped up bullshit that you’ve rehearsed for hours in your bedroom mirror, give me some real human behavior. That's all I'm asking for. I don't care if you stumble on your words or you get your line completely wrong. I want to see what comes out of you next!

GIVE ME CHOICES!! -- I used to come to rehearsals with no idea what I was supposed to do during a scene or maybe have one idea of how I may act. After directing for the freshman showcase that has changed drastically. Actors don't just walk into rehearsal empty handed. They have ideas and choices that they have made based on the character work that they have done. Working with the freshman really slapped this lesson in my face. I as the director had to make the majority of the actor’s choices. If I were them I would be mortified that someone else did my character work for me. If you don't come to the table with ideas no director will ever want to cast you. But they're freshman so they have plenty of time to learn that lesson.

I KNOW IT’S “JUST” REHERSAL BUT JESUS PLEASE GIVE ME SOMETHING TO WORK WITH!! – After having a taste of what its like to direct, I honestly feel so bad for my behavior as an actor during rehearsals. While blocking my play my actors were not taking the opportunity to actually start working together. Their lines sounded dead and their eyes were glazed over. I honestly want to make Aladren a fruit basket as an apology for all of the times I’ve done this to her. Even if you’re just learning your blocking, giving me choices can effect your blocking. I guess as a first time – no what-so-ever experienced – director, I was hoping to have more of a collaborative relationship with my actors. But what I got, was a couple of freshman actors. Take every opportunity you have to rehearse and go full out 100% of the time. Your director will let you know when to ease off.  

MEMORIZE YOUR LINES MONOTONE OR I WILL KILL YOU!! – I didn’t realize how important this lesson was until I started directing my play for freshman showcase. Nicola basically memorized her monologue as her time to yell and her time to shine. I honestly don't think it should be yelled or pushed at all. As soon as she starts yelling and pushing you can't understand a word that comes out of her mouth. I’ve told her this but because she memorized her lines thinking of a character choice she can’t break herself out of the habit now. Memorize monotone. I beg you.

STOP BEING LAZY AND DO YOUR DAMN HOMEWORK!! THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE, RIGHT?!! – Ok I honestly can’t rant on this subject to much because I’ve given my actors plenty of homework and they’ve always come back to me with what they thought was expected of them. Maybe it’s just my expectations but I expect a lot more out of them. I don’t want them to just answer every question I ask them about their characters. I want them to spend the time digging deeper and finding out for themselves who their characters are. I myself have always done my homework but I’m just weird when it comes to sharing it before perfected and I often have a hard time putting my ideas into words. I hate putting something out on the table unless I know its good. Yes I know that’s something I have to work on. I’m working on it.

Maybe I can possibly be good at directing... I have no idea... 5-17-2013

I KNOW I HAVEN'T BEEN BLOGGING! I'M SORRY!

But anyways today I had rehearsal for my freshman showcase play while the other seniors were getting ready for prom. I'm not sure how I feel about directing yet. The part of directing that I actually really enjoy is working with the actors. I really love helping them. I'm not crazy about the technical side of things like lights and set design and all of that. I'm proud of what I've done though. I feel like I am able to communicate with the actors really well and I'm enjoying the process to get the show to where it needs to be.

I have to find intro and outro music this weekend. I think its going to be difficult because I am personally one to get very caught up in lyrics. Maybe I'll find something instrumental. I'll probably email you a lot this weekend about it.

I actually went costume shopping today and since Kenny is tiny I was trying on outfits for him with my hair tied up trying to make myself look like a guy. I loved that too. Trying to fit an outfit to a character I find it fun. I like how I know the characters so well that I'm able to determine what they would and would not wear.

I'm still not sure if I have any talent for directing. The other seniors have said that the reason my play is working is because I have Kenny and all they do is sit at a table the whole play and the beats are the bells. I enjoy it though. I actually liked doing the textual analysis. I feel like when things go beyond acting though I get nervous and let other people make decisions because I don't think that I'm capable to do it. Like with lights and set design and projections. I kind of just went with whatever Becca gave me because I feel like she knows more than I do when it comes to that stuff.

The New School actually talked to us about how we can take extra classes if we are interested in other areas of study and they mentioned the ability to take an extra directing class if we have an interest in it. After my experience with the freshman showcase I'm thinking about taking an extra directing class. I think I might like it.